"____________, Mom."
Who knew that the sweet nickname for the woman who gave birth to you could become a swear word? Typically uttered by a teen or young adult at the end of a response, this particular usage of the name "Mom," when added with a certain tone of voice and great inflection thereby giving it more than one syllable, can be a replacement for a myriad of colorful phrases. Around here it most often replaces the phrase "I know already, shut up now." (Isn't it my responsibility to remind my kids to watch for crazy teenage drivers when they ride their bikes to school or to bring up their dirty dishes so they don't attract rats in the basement?) "Okay, Mom." "Gotta go now, Mom." "Yes, Mom." And off they go, pedaling away with their headphones on or taking a full meal down to the basement on my plates with my forks and cups. Really?
It is then that I close my eyes and fantasize about getting all new dishes that go into the dishwasher after they've been used, tweezers without bent ends, scissors in the kitchen drawer, laundry baskets with clothes in them, carpet that you can actually see, and everyone home safe and tucked in around me.
All too soon my fantasies will come true ... except for the last one. And then it will be quite lonely and I will miss hearing my name "Mom," no matter how it is used.
Yep, I'd much rather have the kids around. And their slang. And no clean dishes in the kitchen.
So, get over it, Mom.
You've got laundry to do.
